Being in a relationship with the people who you love and love you back is one of the most rewarding experiences in life. Whether it are friends, family or lovers, relationships are supposed to make you feel good and become a better person. However, have you ever felt that you are stuck in a relationship that makes you feel miserable? Have you ever wished that you were never friends with someone or regretted a relationship? If you do, maybe you have experienced or you are currently experiencing an unfortunate encounter with a toxic person.
A toxic person is considered a toxic or a poison to those around them because their behavior often drive people crazy. For some reasons, these are the people that often do not take responsibility for their actions, problems, feelings, and needs and often times blame them towards other people. As the name entails, a toxic person makes your life feels like hell. Any types of toxic people are bad for our mental health. Encountering toxic people can make you feel anxious and even depressed. While there are so many examples of a toxic behavior and there are many factors that contribute into “creating” this type of behavior, there are some ways to accurately identify these people so you can set boundaries to save your mental and physical health from hurting.
How do we spot them?
1. You give way more than you take
A relationship should have an equal balance of give and take. You give your time, money, etc to someone and the other person returns the favor and this should be done without each sides keeping a score. In this case, a toxic person demands you to give everything that you have for them. For example: you are required to always pay for your date when you go out with your boyfriend or girlfriend. In friendship, you are always required to always hear out your friend but when you are trying to tell story with your friend, your friend always ignore you. The downside of this, toxic people are often incredibly controlling. You can recognize the signs when you are asked and demanded to do everything that he or she wants for their own gain and they do not consider your well-being. There are many ways of this type of “give more than take” behavior, but if you do feel there’s a part of your life that has been exploited, there is a big chance that you are in a relationship with a toxic person.
2. You could not be yourself with this person
A toxic friend or lover often has demands that you have to fulfill to satisfy their own desire and sometimes they are so impossible to be reasoned with. They never let you act and accept you for who you are. They can be very manipulative and they can even try to control you to be who they really want to be. They can constantly make you feel worthless or remind you that you are below them. They can make you feel bad because you cannot be the type of person that they want to be. Do not fall into the trap that they make you feel as if you are not good enough because of their manipulations. If you feel as if you need to act a certain way around someone, chances are that person is toxic for you and it is a huge red flag to start any sort of relationship with them.
3. You get talked about behind your back
A toxic person is not someone who has the ability to be honest with you. That person does not even consider you worthy as a friend or as a lover. He or she can get even get insanely jealous when other people like you. How do they deal with that? They talk about you behind your back. They tell people your weakness and they make up stories so people look down on you. Toxic people love to create dramas so people pay a lot of attention towards them. They want people to see them as amazing when in reality they really are not. To them, we are often only a pawn in their game. You may also know or identify if one of your friends or your boyfriend/girlfriend is a toxic person when they act as if everything is your fault. What do I mean by that? It means that that person does not want to take responsibility for what he or she did. If you fight with them, it is impossible to have a mature argument with them because they will say that it is you who started it. They will say that it is you who always makes the relationship complicated when in truth it is them who have always been doing that.
How do we deal with them?
All in all, as we have known some signs (there are more) about how to spot a toxic person, we need to remember this one fact: it is not our fault. You must never blame yourself if you have friends, family member(s) or a lover who acts like this. As I have mentioned above, toxic people are incredibly manipulative and they can leave you feeling stupid because you are still maintaining the relationship with them. Do not fall into this trap. There is a chance that we might meet someone like this and we are not the only ones. There are so many people around us that also deal with toxic people who can come in the form of friends, family, or lover. If you are experiencing this type of relationship, you are allowed to get out of it. Sometimes this can even escalate to the point of us experiencing verbal, emotional, physical and even sexual abuse, of which is definitely not all right to be experienced. If you are experiencing this, please do get out of that relationship and talk with someone about it.
You have a right to be treated with love and dignity. While we cannot change that person and we are not responsible to, we definitely can and are allowed to create a boundary between us and that person. We do not need to deal with them all the time and they definitely are not allowed to treat us as if we mean nothing. We are allowed to prioritize our mental and physical health first. A person who really loves you will respect and understand the boundary you created for yourself and you do need to have one so you can have a healthy relationship with anyone who comes into your life.
How about you? Do you have an experience with a toxic person? Or do you have a tip/tips to get out of that relationship? Do share with us in the comments below.
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